Lonely
by Fincheljustgetmarriedalredy
Summary: What happens when you're not there for someone after a long, long time? Don't you regret it after seeing its consequences? What if it was someone you really cared about?


**Hey Guys! This is my first Fanfic, yay! I hope you like it very much, cause' I know it's kind of bizarre my idea, but very sweet at the end. CHECK OUT AND REVIEW PLEASE. Hope this progresses a lot :) Greetings. Fuffly Finchel, guys. **

_**What happens when you're not there for someone after a long, long time? Don't you regret it after seeing its consequences?**_

**(Finn's POV)**

I was resting in my small-sized bed, not even wanting to go out, have some fresh air. My foot gave no answer at all. I start thinking, nothing in particular. Old Glee Club. Puck. My twenties. Mom needing my help in the house. The party at Las Vegas Puck afford to both of us, two months after graduating, my relationship with Kurt, my sometimes un-bearable step-brother. Man, having twenty years old was tough. I have to get a job soon, and quickly. There's two months since I don't have a word with Puckerman. I asked him to move here after Graduation, because his parents hadn't enough room for him in his house. Either have I, so he moved to Mike's mansion-sized department. It's in New York, and I didn't feel like going. Pitifully, I had promised everyone in Glee Club to visit them, they just have to tell me where. I talked to everyone by phone five months after graduation, cause' my boredom was eating me alive. Tina Artie Mike Puck Britt Sam Quinn Rachel. _Rachel._ That's the phone conversation I remember the most. How could I forget it?

_Flashback_

_**I picked up the phone, very determinate with the call I was doing. It was 01:00 in the morning and two months since' I got back to Las Vegas with Puck, so I guess Rachel's asleep at this hour. But… I really need to make this call. I simply have to. She needs to hear me, as I do. She made me promise to call her. She didn't really need to make me promise it, otherwise I still call her. I typed the numbers I knew by memory. The phone just rang twice, until someone pick up, and I could hear his breath, slow and calmed until she started talking.**_

_**-Hello? Umm… Finn? Is that you?**_

_**Her voice was so sweet and adorable from sleeping I just wanted to get to wherever she was and kiss her so bad…But at the moment I couldn't.**_

_**-Yeah, Rach, it's me, Finn. Are you asleep? Sorry, baby.**_

_**-My god, Finn! How much I miss you, wish you were here… And yes, but saying I was sleeping it's an understatement, Haha. I'm just so, so tired. But… guess you're worth it. How're you? Are you fine?**_

_**- I'm fine, thank you. And you? Where are you at the moment? I want to be with you. I miss you, badly. I want to know where you are, Rachel. I want to **_**go **_**where you are.**_

_**She sighed. I knew something was wrong… But what would be wrong? Was she with someone else? Was she too far away from me? Well, I don't care where she is. I'm going.**_

_**-Finn… I-I- You can't be where I am. Sorry.**_

_**-Rachel, what do you mean? Are you with someone else? It's okay. I just want to see you, I didn't recently hang out with anyone on Glee, and I just thought you may be available. Sorry. Goodbye, then. - Three, two... One. BAM.**_

_**-NO! FINN, PLEASE DON'T HANG THE PHONE! I BEG YOU!**_

_**I smiled instantly. It was obvious she wasn't with someone else. She was in love with ME. I smiled through the phone.**_

_**-That's my Rachel. Now, where are you? Who are you with?**_

_**-I'm alone. I'm on New York at the moment. Dad and Daddy bought me an apartment for my new university one month after you were gone and…I'm so sorry, Finn.**_

_**-I can see it now… Sorry I speculated. I worry so much about you I want your security to be the highest. **_

_**-Yes, I notice that. Are you coming soon?**_

_**-I don't have the money yet, baby. But right now I'm taking my pig money box, and saving money for my flight to the concrete jungle. I'll be right there when I can. Great, I just found fifty cent under my bed! We're progressing.**_

_**-God, Finn, I miss you so much. I-I feel so alone right now. I really need you. These years have been so tough...**_

_**And she broke up to tears, so hard. With that heart-breaking sound I could notice she may have been fighting them since' graduation. She was more than sensitive after all that had happened...**_

_**-Rachel, don't cry. I beg you. Since' we've dating I told you I really hate when you cry. And now I'm miles away from you… and I cannot comfort you… do you have the faintest idea of how depressed I am now? Guess you don't.**_

_**-Oh, no, Finn, you can't be more right. There is been two months since' I don't see you. Every night I cry myself to sleep, and I get worse day by day. I don't even want to get out of my apartment, knowing that you're not waiting for me outside, telling me that despite all the mistakes you did, you still love me. Can't really imagine how you're feeling, you know?**_

_**She just kept crying, but now a little note of angst sharpened her voice. I tried to fix this fat mistake I just made.**_

_**-Sorry, Rachel, I just want you so bad I say bullshit time and time again. Sorry.**_

_**I left one light sob escape, but Rachel noticed it.**_

_**-It's okay. I want you too. I want to see you. I want everything right now. Hope you'll get the money soon. Good luck. I love you so, so much, Finn. And don't cry, we'll get to see each other soon, trust me.**_

_**-You know I meant that little phrase I said to you at Regionals. I love you, Rachel Berry. You're like… my Grilled Cheesus… delicious, and also a miracle. …Was that cheesy?**_

_**-No, not at all. It was the best you could say. With that, goodnight. Dream with golden stars. Or with me. As you want.**_

_**If I was there, I would see her smile. And sob, too. But now I could hear it. And I loved what I heard. **_

_**-Rachel Berry, golden stars… it's pretty the same. Goodnight and good luck at school. I really love you.**_

_**-I do, too. Sleep well.**_

_**She sobbed again, and hanged the phone. I threw the phone at the floor, almost breaking it. Burying my face in the white pillow, I started crying like a chick, wondering when I would have enough money to see her, and what was wrong, because I knew something was up.**_

_Flashback ends (four years later)_

That was the last time I talked to her. I kept calling her since then, but her phone seemed to be always turned off. And I still know something's happening. I can feel it. Bad or good, I'm on found it. As the matter-of-fact, every time I remember this heart-falling conversation, I turn very sensitive. Now, my eyes are wet. Pretty wet. I stood up from the bed, giving up my laziness as I grabbed my pig money box, opening its cork and turning it upside down, letting all the bills and coins fell through the mattress. When I finished counting them, I ended with a very convincing count. I have fifty hundred and eighty seven dollars with fifty cents.

I don't even know how much a ticket to New York costs. Guess I'll have to ask Burt to lead me to the Lima Airport. The advantage is that's like the Sara Desert, or something. I don't know how to spell it. What I mean is that's always empty, considering that this town is small like shit. I can get the ticket very fast. And plus, I don't need a passport. She's not too far, luckily.

When I'll get there, I will ask every damn hotel, motel, and department building until I found her, and also find out what's going on. And I'll never let her go. We'll be together again. I opened my bedroom door, going downstairs, my legs not responding too much. I checked if Mom was there. Fortunately she was, sitting in the kitchen table. I sat in front of her, noticing she had purple rings around her eyes, which was scary. She met my eyes, smiling lightly. She had more wrinkles, which was pretty melancholically.

"Mom, are you… alright? You seem… tired. Is there anything I can help you with? I'm sorry, I've been moody lately. You should go and take a nap, preferably now." I asked her. She was really honest, like me, Rachel had said once.

"Thank you, Honey. Burt is working too much with the cars and being busy, and Kurt's with Blaine, like always. I really need help. What about you, Finn? You seem… no tired, terrible. What's wrong?" What's wrong? _Four years _is wrong.

"I'm missing too much Glee guys, mostly Rachel I guess. I'm afraid the next time I'll see her she'll be at the age of thirty." Goosebumps covered all my body… picturing in my mind Rachel in her thirties, with _husband and children. _Can't allow it from happening, if it's not me. I shaked my head to clear my mind from awful thoughts.

"But why don't you grab Burt's car? C'mon, Finn, don't worry, you can help me when you come back. But don't stay too late."

I smiled at the idea of Rachel living so, so near from me, like in the past. I just picked my old, rusted truck and drove to her home. And then we would do everything. Make out, watch a movie, have a little nap cuddled up, she singing some mouth-dropping performance to me, which always finished by a make out session, laughing about nothing in particular, me watching her falling asleep in my chest. I would give almost everything to have her again so near from myself, doing that kind of stuff I loved. She could be safe… but now, she was too far, kilometers, miles far away from me.

"She went to New York, Mom. I can't see her. There's been four years since I don't see her. I've been saving money since then in a money box. And she doesn't answer my calls, her phone is turned off. I feel dumped." Her phone turned off since four years? No, it was me giving up calling her on the first two years. Aham.

"Finn, I think it's time for you to see her. How much money do you have saved now?"

"Five hundred and eighty seven dollars with fifty cent, exactly. It's that even enough for a ticket to New York?" I didn't have the littlest idea of a flight to New York.

"That's a lot. It depends on how much you want to stay, I think. In Lima, the tickets to any destination are luckily very cheap, as well. And _where_ you want to stay, also. Do you have place to stay? I mean… is anyone of your friends leaving there now?"

"Puck's staying with Mike. I'll call him… guess I can stay there until I found her." I answered, doubting of Puck's answer.

"Okey, darling. Are you sure of what you're doing? But… What if you don't find her, Finn?"

I'd never thought of that before. Everything can happen. Once in New York, I'll ask Puck and Mike first, if they had seen any sight of Rachel. If not, I'll look for her. And if she is not in NY anymore, I'll find out where she is staying. I simply _have _to found her.

"I'm sure, Mom. And if I don't find her, well, I will find her somewhere else. But I'm completely sure about my decision. I really do. You go and hit the bed until you fall asleep here. I'll call Puck" I kissed my mom on her forehead, and got my way upstairs.

First, I just sat on my bed, the noise of its wood breaking my eardrums. I just got to gobble up every idea that came up in my mind, just to check if it was reasonable. Without thinking it I picked up the phone thinking hardly in this number I knew by perfection in high school.

"Yeah, it's Puckerman. Who's it?" His voice was tired, like he was on a hangover, and music could be hear behind.

"Puck. Umm, it's me, Finnster, dude" I waited to hear an unexpected question. Silence.

"FINN FUCKING HUDSON WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU? Mike and I expected you to come since' a lot, douche. Well, the three of us I might say."

And that was the time when my heart stopped. _Three_. Not Mike and Puck. One more person. And just one tiny beautiful person was pictured in my head. 

"What do you mean? Puck... is Rachel with you? I've better get there soon. I'm going to smash your semi-bald head, Puckerman." I couldn't believe she was with him.

"Get down of your truck, Hudson. She's not with me. If you touch me I'm going to smack your awkward body" He said, hilariously angry.

"Then why..?" But he didn't let me finish.

"She visited us. She thought you were here with us. She was ecstatic but when I told her you were in Lima, she just cried like I had announced the decease of her two gay dads. In a very Rachel-Berry-way. I promised her that you'd be here soon or later, but no idea when. She needs you, Finn. When the fuck you are planning to come? Mike doesn't want to drink and here I am, getting wasted alone. I need you too, bastard."

My god. Why I always have the dumbest ideas? This is getting worse. But he just said _she needs me_.

"That's why I just called. I think I have the money for the flight to NY. I just need lodging. Mike still has an extra bed?" I answered doubtfully.

"I have my own apartment now. I earned money enough in a gas station. And I think Mike's living with Tina now, but they're leaving for holidays. A gift to Tina... Whatever. But hey! You can stay in Mike's apartment dude. You can have time alone with Rachel, also. When I hang up, I'll text him. He'll sure have no problem, maybe." By the tone of his voice I knew he didn't mean the Rachel stuff in an offensive way cause' sure I wouldn't want to talk with Rachel in front of Puck. He understands the meaning of privacity, and not in the want-to-have-sex way only. Yeah, he's an asshole just like me, but he understands.

"Thank you man. I really appreciate it." I smiled through the phone. This man was the best.

"Pucky Puck is always there for the retarded ones, Finny. Uhh... something else." His tone changed. It was insecurity.

"What's up now? Something wrong?" What could be wrong?

"Uh, nothing to worry about. It's just... We all –and by all I mean Tina Mike Puckasaurus Rachel- took a picture together. We hang out a couple of weeks ago, or last month, I don't even remember. It's just... I know how you miss Man Hands and stuff and I just thought you wanted to see her, at least via cell phone. I'm sending it to you. Goodbye, Finn. Hope we all see you soon. Otherwise we're going to cut your joints." And with that, he hanged up.

I read my phone saying "Accept file from "Puckerman"? I pressed the "yes" key without thinking. I wish I wouldn't. It just _popped out._ That picture. Puck, Rachel, Tina and Mike where there, just like he said. They all looked happy, but I could notice a note of sadness in my Rachel. She was with an orange coat, more adorable than I thought she would be after these years. Her bangs were gone, so more adorable yet. And a little detail that I noticed when I charged the phone in Mom's computer: _She has my name in her necklace, the one she used when we were in high school_. That break me in two. She needs me, like Puck said. She's being so miserable without me. And here I am, in Lima, Ohio complaining instead of being with the girl of my life. An impossible mission for her? Achieve full happiness without me. I feel so guilty I just want to cry. She's not strong enough to call me, the same with me. I was such a coward for not calling her in four damn years. This is my entire fault and probably she won't forgive me. But I'll never leave her. I'd never stopped loving her and I won't stop finding her.


End file.
